I put the idea out there in jest yesterday, and now I can’t shake it: What would it take to right this wrong and see Sarah Palin crowned Miss Alaska? If she can’t be Veep, can’t we let her have Miss America? Or at least Miss USA?
C’mon. The woman has earned it and she has the fake northern Midwestern accent to prove it. That ridiculous accent alone could function as her ‘talent.’ She could do a reading from Fargo, you betcha: “So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’t you know that? And here you are – and it’s a beautiful day. Well, I just don’t understand it.”
So, the talent firmly established, let’s talk about the other qualifications:
- A contestant must be at least seventeen years of age on July 31, 2007, and not more than twenty-three years old on September 30, 2007. Hmmm… That may pose a bit of a problem. But surely we can make an exception for the almost Vice President? What’s the male/female ratio in Alaska? Fifty to one? It’s probably hard to find enough girls of age as it is.
- A contestant must be a high school graduate or must have successfully completed the GED testing program by June 30, 2007. Check. In fact, I believe our girl even has a college degree. In Journalism. Which has nothing to do with leading a country, but for Miss America it counts.
- A contestant must be female and shall always have been female. Whew! I believe we can check this one off… (and as a side note, I wonder if this was in the Miss America rules of the 50s and 60s or something they had to add at a later date? Me thinks a later date…)
- She must be single and never have been pregnant. First and foremost,file the paperwork: The First Dude needs to go. Put him on the first plane to Arkansas – he’ll fit in well – and PR needs to immediately bring up doubts about the maternity of those five? six? kids. None of them look at that much like her anyway.
- A contestant must be of good character and must not have been involved at any time in any act of moral turpitude. Could raising someone else involved in an act of moral turpitude be grounds for disqualification?
- She may not have been involved in any activity that is or could be characterized as dishonest, immoral, and indecent or in bad taste. Houston, we have a problem. It’s hard to deny that the public wearing of Eddie Murphy’s Delirious jacket is in anything but bad taste. At least she didn’t do the laugh…
- A contestant must possess poise, personality, intelligence, charm and beauty of face and figure and must possess and display talent. Depending upon where you’re from, your views on the sexiness of gun toting mamas in camouflage, and your personal standards of ineffable qualities like charm, Sarah is either the greatest living human example of these traits or you’re wondering if she still qualifies.
Only time will tell…