50 Ways to Waste Time

Don't even get me started about the merciless tease that is Caribbean Travel + Life...

Right off the top of my head, and loosely based on everything I’ve done so far today EXCEPT write this blog:

1. Wake to the sound of your neighbor snowblowing his deck at 8am on a SUNDAY morning and fume for several minutes about what a self-centered jerk he is.
2. Muse about how much snow it takes to collapse a roof.
3. Google “How much snow requires shoveling your roof”?
4. Frown at the answer.
5. Think about making breakfast.
6. Take a shower.
7. Put on an outfit that – although ugly - is undeniably warm.
8. Puzzle over complex math equations necessary to calculate how much snow weight is on your roof.
9. Watch ten minutes of the Rock of Love Charm School reunion until the net effect of so little collective brain power starts to make you feel dumb, too.
10. Wonder aloud to no one as to how you’re supposed to get a 1′ x 1′ chunk of the snow from your roof in order to weigh it and plug it into the “Good Will Hunting”-esque mathematical theorem.
11. Wonder if snow on the ground near the area of the roof is the same as the snow on the actual roof.
12. Call a friend and talk about nothing for 20 minutes.
13. Watch fifteen minutes of a “Top Chef” episode you’ve already seen three times.
14. Check your e-mail to see if anyone has written you.
15. Make breakfast.
16. Eat breakfast.
17. Fold your laundry.
18. Check your cell phone to see if anyone has called.
19. Look at the icicles hanging off your roof and ponder the likelihood of having your skull cracked open by one of them.
20. Wonder if there’s ever been an episode of CSI where that’s happened.
21. Clean your closet.
22. Play tug of war with your dog.
23. Read ‘Caribbean Life + Travel” magazine until you start to feel pissed off.
24. Slip out the back, Jack.
25. Flip through a Victoria’s Secret Clearance catalog, marvel at how crazy cheap everything is, and threaten to chain yourself to a pole if you even TRY to buy more clothes you don’t need.
26. Consider going for a walk and decide it’s too cold.
27. Consider going for a run, remember how you thought you might be developing frostbite while you were running yesterday, and decide it’s too cold.
28. Look at the local news – nine more inches of m-ther f–king snow by tomorrow – and feel depressed.
29. Watch some football, even though you don’t understand the first thing about (American) football.
30. Play The Sims.
31. Make a pledge to stop wasting so much time playing with The Sims.
32. Enter some blog carnivals.
33. Lament at how sad your blog stats are since you changed addresses.
34. Check e-mail – AGAIN – to see if Google Ads has gotten back to you.
35. Recommit to figure out how to actually ad Google Ads to your site, presuming they’ll okay you.
36. Go ahead and buy the P90X program (Yep. I did it. More on that, I suppose, when it gets here).
37. Think about what you might wear to job interview Thursday.
38. Vaguely hope they don’t offer you the job so you don’t have to take it.
39. Make your dog sit and shake for a stale cookie while trying to distract him from acting as cabin fever stir crazy as you feel.
40. Sit in the bathtub.
41. Thumb through Tom Colicchio’s Think Like a Chef.
42. Think about making dinner…from the stuff in your house.
43. Think like a chef.
44. Eat some Special K.
45. Wish there was beer in the fridge.
46. Wish you were in the Caribbean.
47. Fantasize about having one of those ‘recession-proof’ lifestyles they keep mentioning in “Caribbean Travel + Life”.
48. Hate those jerks in “Caribbean Travel + Life”.
49. Why the hell am I getting “Caribbean Travel + Life” when I never ordered or paid for it?
50. Make a new plan, Stan.

Tags: 50 ways to waste time, cabin fever, Caribbean Travel + Life, Humor, Life, Rock of Love Charm School, shoveling snow, shoveling snow off the roof, shoveling snow off your roof, snow blues, snow bound, snow storm blues, stir crazy, worst winter ever

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