Never trust a national treasure
Remember the Jaws movies? I have a new angle for you…AND it’s true. It so happens that Gu Gu, the Beijing Zoo’s prized 240-pound giant panda, is a man-eating machine. Now that he’s sampled the taste of sweet, sweet human he cannot be stopped.
To quote CNN, “For the third time, he’s tasted the flesh of an unwitting intruder in his pen at the Beijing Zoo,” and he really freaking likes it.
Anyway, that’s pretty much when Gu Gu went medieval on his @ss. I know it’s not funny, but on the other hand, the odds that I would end up inside a panda cage are infinitesimal, so I guess I feel a little bit entitled to mock. And laugh hysterically at the following quote, “The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect him, so I didn’t fight back,” Zhang said. “The panda didn’t let go until it chewed up my leg and its mouth was dripping with my blood. I always thought they were cute and just ate bamboo.”
They do. But it’s a BEAR. All bets are off when you piss of a 240-pound bear, no matter what it usually eats. If you’re the attentive type, you may have also noted that this is the THIRD time this has happened: Those Beijing zoo patrons are a careless bunch.
In 2007, a 15-year-old boy climbed into the pen to get a closer look. A year earlier, a drunken tourist climbed in and tried to hug the panda, who bit him. In an odd twist, the tourist reportedly bit back, which is classic.
Sounds like the work of that nut bag who was hugging brown bears up in Alaska – “The Grizzly Man.” I think he was dead by 2006 (mauled to death by bears, of course), but I wonder if he’s got any relatives that went on a tour to China?
Tags: Beijing zoo, beware of the panda, Gu Gu, Gu Gu Beijing zoo, hugging bears, hugging panda bears, Humor, Life, panda attack, panda attacks person at Beijing zoo, step away from the panda, The Grizzly man, when pandas attack