Never trust a national treasure


Nice cuddly pandas

Nice, cuddly pandas


Remember the Jaws movies? I have a new angle for you…AND it’s true. It so happens that Gu Gu, the Beijing Zoo’s prized 240-pound giant panda, is a man-eating machine. Now that he’s sampled the taste of sweet, sweet human he cannot be stopped.

To quote CNN, “For the third time, he’s tasted the flesh of an unwitting intruder in his pen at the Beijing Zoo,” and he really freaking likes it. 




His most recent victim was 28-year-old Zhang Jiao, who told CNN he fell into the pen Wednesday while trying to catch a small panda toy thrown by his young son. Apparently he and his son were playing faux baby panda’ keep away’ right outside Gu Gu’s pen. No reason that would be offensive to the low brain power wild animal inside.

Less nice cuddly panda

Less nice, cuddly panda

Anyway, that’s pretty much when Gu Gu went medieval on his @ss. I know it’s not funny, but on the other hand, the odds that I would end up inside a panda cage are infinitesimal, so I guess I feel a little bit entitled to mock. And laugh hysterically at the following quote, “The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect him, so I didn’t fight back,” Zhang said. “The panda didn’t let go until it chewed up my leg and its mouth was dripping with my blood. I always thought they were cute and just ate bamboo.”

They do. But it’s a BEAR. All bets are off when you piss of a 240-pound bear, no matter what it usually eats. If you’re the attentive type, you may have also noted that this is the THIRD time this has happened: Those Beijing zoo patrons are a careless bunch.

In 2007, a 15-year-old boy climbed into the pen to get a closer look. A year earlier,  a drunken tourist climbed in and tried to hug the panda, who bit him. In an odd twist, the tourist reportedly bit back, which is classic.

Sounds like the work of that nut bag who was hugging brown bears up in Alaska – “The Grizzly Man.” I think he was dead by 2006 (mauled to death by bears, of course), but I wonder if he’s got any relatives that went on a tour to China?













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12 Responses to “Never trust a national treasure”

  1. Zrocks

    That’s really funny… your story telling, not the human idiocy.

  2. Maxx AKA Marky Mark

    “The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect him, so I didn’t fight back,”

    Sod that for a game of soldiers. I’m with you on the – you wouldn’t find me in there in the first place – but what moron just sits there while a 240 pound bear chews you to bits ?? The human race isn’t getting any better is it ??

  3. Maxx AKA Marky Mark

    P.S. – I have to confess though, that the ickle Panda in the top picture does kinda make you wanna pick it up and hug it and squeeze it and…….AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG !!!!!!

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  6. The Lush List

    I have to get this out of my system.
    That top picture?

    Stupid estrogen.

  7. Devon Coles

    Well, can’t blame Disney for THIS one! LOL
    Lovely to find your blog through Creative Carnival . . . will stop by often, methinks.

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  10. nidia

    hi!i love your pictures of panda,they are so lovely,would you mind if i use one of your pictures with my presentation about chinese culture?

  11. wideawakeinwonderland

    Yes. Of course! You’re sweet to even ask.