This just in: Marijuana makes you a super athelete!
Try this right before running your next marathon! It's better than 'roids!
It’s all starting to make sense.
The occasional blank stares and “Duh” responses when being interviewed at the Olympics.
The ravenous appetite and junk-food only Olympic diet.
The preternatural athletic ability.
Michael Phelps hasn’t been using steroids…he’s just a major pot head. And, I don’t think it’s too much to make the assumption that apparently marijuana makes you a super athlete!! Oh the happy luck. Look out gold medals in gymnastics, fencing and synchronized swimming, there’s a new soon-to-be stoner in town.
Hey Kid Rock, sorry I smoked your entire stash earlier. My bad. Ummm, have you seen Snoop Dogg around anywhere...?
To further prove my hypothesis I went and found some quotes accredited to the super swimmer, and what do you know…
“Every day after I wake up, I think, ‘Wait… this can’t be real; I’m still going to wake up. And then I realize I am awake…I’m just really, really high. And then I eat three pizzas and fourteen chocolate chip pancakes, smoke a couple joints, and go win a gold medal.”
-Michael Phelps
“I have reached a place in my life where I need to sit down and say, ‘Well, what do I do? What’s best for me?’ I need to look into options for the future. Like is Domino’s really the best pizza to be had while stuck in Beijing or will Pizza Hut deliver to the Olympic Village if they hear it’s for me? And why doesn’t Red Bull come in a two-liter can? And do you have a light?”
-Michael Phelps
You would have to be high to let someone photograph you wearing, what is that? A 'shirt' made out of ugly necklaces?
“I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and you put the work and time into it. I think your mind really controls everything. And that small monkey that’s staring at me weird. I think that monkey wants to kill me. Can somebody do something about that monkey? Hey…why are YOU looking at me funny? Can you read my mind? You CAN read my mind, can’t you? STOP READING MY MIND!”
-Michael Phelps
“I want to test my maximum and see how much I can do. And I want to change the world of swimming. And competitive eating. And growing sweet, green, sticky buds. And maybe make the world’s biggest bong.”
-Michael Phelps
“I’m the same kind of guy before all this happened. Only now I can eat 15,000 calories a day, get way hotter girls, and afford a lot better grade of smoke. Can somebody get me sixteen ham sandwiches and an Orange Fanta? And an ashtray? Thanks.”
-Michael Phelps
I rest my case.
Tags: funny stories, funny storytelling, Humor, Life, Michael Phelps, Michael Phelps bong, Michael Phelps bong image, Michael Phelps bong photo, Michael Phelps bong picture, Michael Phelps busted, Michael Phelps humor, Michael Phelps Kid Rock, Michael Phelps marijuana, Michael Phelps pot, Michael Phelps pot head, Michael Phelps stoner
Yes but we’re all expected to be so perfect, if someone’s actions don’t hurt anyone else, we should just let it go.
“In heaven, all the interesting people will be missing” Nietzsche
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Hahaha! This is classic. Thanks so much for injecting a bit of reality and grounding through humor into this overblown story.
Now back to the food channel/cartoon network marathon already in progress.
Athletic Alley Blog Carnival - February 11, 2009 | Athletic Alley
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I do what I can.
Actually, it makes my day when someone famous gets into stupid trouble. The blogging is so much easier when they write my material for me!