Feb

You heard it here first

Did I not tell you just a week ago that Joaquin Phoenix has gone mad?

Well, move over Perez Hilton. Perhaps my TRUE true calling is celebrity blogging. You see, Joaquin went on Letterman last night and proved me right.

If you haven’t had the pleasure, take a gander at this (and yes, it’s long, but it’s worth it):

(and as a side note, it took me about an hour to figure out how to embed the video in this post. Now that I’m ’self-hosting’, things don’t work as they once did. Anyway, I am so freaking PROUD of myself right now and considering inserting video of me doing my “I fought my blog, and I won” victory dance in my kitchen. Maybe next time.)

I smell a hoax.

Anyway, back to the meaningless topic of discussion: For those of you without the patience or free time to watch nine minutes of bizarre, semi-catatonic, and very hairy behavior, let me share some of my favorite Letterman zingers:

Letterman: “You know, it’s been three years since the last time you were on the show, and I will just say right off the top here: You look different than I remember.”

and

Phoenix: “I’d love to come on the show and perform [my hip-hop]“

Letterman: “You know, that seems unlikely.”

And then this one from Dave, while wrapping up the agonizing interview: “Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

Andy as Tony

I have always had a crush on David Letterman, but this has elevated it to a new level. He rolled with the punches (or lack thereof) like a real trooper. He would’ve had an easier time interviewing a roll of toilet paper. Or my cat. Or my grandma. And she died in 1991.

In all honesty, for the first half I was kind of worried about Joaquin’s mental state, but after a while I couldn’t shake the thought: Maybe it’s an act? Some kind of Andy Kaufman-esque hoax?

In fact, as I type these words, let me make my next celebri-prediction: The whole thing is just one big put-on. The ‘new’ Joaquin is a Tony Clifton for our times. Heck, he could even do the Andy Kaufman thing and have other people play ‘him’ with all that hair and the dark glasses.

Mark my words, the actor is acting, and only time (and perhaps Mr. Phoenix’s brief foray into professional wrestling?) will reveal the whole thing as a wacko stunt.

Ah, celebrity. Where you have nothing better to do than create a strange alter-ego and mess with people. I should be so lucky…