Forget Embarrassing: Shopping At Wal-Mart Could Kill You
The obtaining of this photo opened one of those "Your computer may be infected!" windows. Welcome, new trojan horse. Make yourself at home.
Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers: All ye who enter here may or may not come out alive.
Further note to Jay Richitelli: Sometimes you have to draw a hard line between your pending lawsuit and your love of a bargain.
Florida Man Sues Wal-Mart Over In-Store Snake Attack
Richitelli’s attorney says the Bentonville, Arkansas company should have taken steps to prevent the attacks after they happened before.
Wal-Mart wouldn’t comment on the litigation filed in Broward County Circuit Court, but said customer safety is its top priority.
Richitelli says he still has respiratory problems and scars from the 2008 bite. But he’s been back to Wal-Mart several times, saying their prices are too good to shop elsewhere.
Death by pygmy rattler or irresistible rolled-back prices? It’s a tough call.
Meanwhile, I’m left wondering if this is the same snake? Three times in three years – at least he’s consistent. At this point, it’s practically a mascot. Maybe they should give it a name? A few ideas:
- Sam
- Venom Head
- Oops
- Lawyer’s Best Friend
- Poison Pete
- Ouchie Boy
Now I’m no herpetologist, but according to some research I’ve done (I am nothing if not thorough in the daily writing of this blog), the things are damn small. Thus, the word ‘pygmy’.
Seriously though, they only grow to be about a foot long, and if this image (from “Sensational Serpents”) is to be believed, they’re basically the size of a pencil. A pencil filled with venom. A venom-filled pencil that bites again and again and again until you stomp on it or tear it off your leg and chuck it against the wall or it wears itself out or something.
Not to pick on Wal-Mart employees, but seriously…the few times I’ve been in there, most of them seem barely functional. Do you really expect them to notice something like this hanging out on the decorative bark? I feel grateful if they get all the objects I’ve purchased into the bags, and I hold the bar no higher.
In the interim, seeing as respiratory problems and scars aren’t enough to keep Mr. Richitelli away from the ‘low prices every day’, I suggest he invest in a pair of ‘LaCrosse Alpha Venom 18″ Snakeboots’ (allegedly fang-proof) should he decide to go back into the Wal-Mart gardening center any time soon. Odds are Ouchie Boy has been waiting to finish the job he started.
Tags: Humor, humorous news, humorous observations, humorous random observations, Life, One more reason not to shop at Wal-mart?, pointless random observations, pygmy rattle snake bites Wal-Mart customer, pygmy rattler, pygmy rattlesnake, random sh*t floating around in my head, Rattle snakes in Wal-Mart, ridiculous Wal-Mart lawsuits, Rolled back prices, Should I shop at Wal-Mart?, snake bites, Snakes in Wal-mart, The serpents of Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart, Wal-mart lawsuit, Wal-Mart lawsuits, What do people have against Wal-mart?, Why shouldn't I shop at Wal-Mart?
With the amount fat, juicy humans Walmart pack down their isles, I’m surprised more snakes don’t shop there. It’s not every shop that can claim to roll back IQ’s to every day lows…..
Don’t forget that Walmart allows shoppers to “go through the merchandise” Snakes apparently are not exempted from this free for all – perhaps customers and employees alike thought they’d found a great deal..”OMG, is this real snakeskin..can you help? Just the little stocking stuffer I need for my 4 year old – looks just like the big guy daddy bagged in the swamp last week”. Unfortunately, said reptile was not tagged with the no return policy and shoppers continue to suffer remorse…my pity goes to this poor snake, humane society anyone?