Mar

PETA, you’re playing me like a fiddle

Shroom Stroganoff a la PETA

I know a publicity ploy when I see one, but that doesn’t make me immune.

More stupidity from the PETA executive offices leaves me wondering what’s going on over there.

Reduced contributions during ‘these tough economic times’ and a resulting need to increase their exposure on CNN – even if it’s only as the most asinine non-profit out there?

Or has the cafeteria come into possession of some exotic ingredients and been serving up Psilocybe Cubensis Pot Pie and Mescaline tea?

(And if so, are non-employees allowed to dine there?)

George Clooney: The Other White Meat(like Product)

After coming into possession of a gym towel soaked in the Oscar winner’s sweat, the animal rights crusaders have penned a letter to the actor asking for permission to have PETA harvest his salty secretions to create—no joke—a Clooney-flavored line of tofu.

“The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavored tofu (CloFu),” writes PETA. “Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu.”

The group even quotes a researcher, who says, “If you use a sample of human perspiration, it is ‘no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.’ “

Except for the fact that, bean curd texture aside, it’s proving to be a lot harder to swallow.

“As a mammal, I’m offended,” says Clooney in response.

Not that PETA is easily deterred. The organization has already offered up serving suggestions for all your would-be CloFu needs.

“Cheese-scented CloFu could be used as pizza topping and in lasagna…CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.”

The letter, signed by PETA president Ingrid E. Newkirk, ends on an optimistic note. “We hope this idea meets with your approval.”

Yummy yummy bean curd.

So human-flavored tofu? Are the serving suggestions a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti?

The compelling artificial chicken-flavoring argument aside, I’ve tried to think if there’s an anyone-flavored anything I would be willing to taste…

And the answer is a unanimous no.

In fact, the only upside I can see to this line of thinking falls in the realm of ‘cruel prank’.

“So you like the bisque? It’s good? Really? You enjoy the flavor? Does it seem youthful and yet horribly overexposed? It should, because IT’S MADE WITH MILEY CYRUS BOUILLON!!! That’s right, sucka! You just ate Hannah Montana Chowder!”

p.s.

I nearly forgot. Happy Friday the 13th…again.