I thought bad luck came in threes?
Did someone change the ratio on me while I wasn’t looking?
So now it’s like three to the power of three or something? 27 random lame events, and the cycle shifts? Must be that…
So last we spoke, the computer repair people gave me some lame story about how the motherboard they (allegedly) ordered a week ago arrived damaged and so they (allegedly) ordered a new one and that takes (an alleged) week. Did you know motherboards can only be shipped via donkey?
Neither did I, but that certainly does clear up the mystery as to why they’re damaged so easily.
Oh, and those pot heads were supposed to call me today to give me the UPS tracking number, but didn’t. Imagine that. I presume they got tied up eating Doritos and looking at internet porn.
People must not do this very often because this photo is seriously vintage.
Speaking of which, I have come to the conclusion that I share server space with some kind of low brow internet porn or poker site or some other space hogging enterprise because this sorry blog has more bandwidth problems than seems remotely reasonable. On that subject, let me just say:
a) Sorry about the outage (again).
b) Bluehost SUCKS
c) I have set up a new host service and will be moving there in the next day or so…presumably seamlessly
d) This blog has turned into a real money pit
e) I may have to start buying lottery tickets or robbing banks to keep the blog funded through its many hiccups and technological snafus (although I have a new idea in the form of a zine. Have you ever wanted to subscribe to a monthly zine written by me? Awesome! Your wish is about to be granted!)
f) Bluehost sucks @ss.
In other news, my dog went on a suicidal raisin binge last night.
I went to the pharmacy yesterday for what literally amounted to no more than 20 minutes, during which time he opened the pantry and ate:
- A sleeve of saltines
- A box of taco shells
- A bag of sugared walnuts
- A portion of dry linguine
- Some Special K cereal
and
- A one-pound box of raisins (!!!)
She looks all friendly and harmless, but she's actually the Grim Reaper. For dogs.
If you’re thinking ‘what’s the big deal?’ then say goodbye to the bliss of ignorance. It turns out whatever agency it is that monitors dog deaths and poisonings and whatever (a bunch of initials that reminds me of ASPCA but isn’t that) put together several years of data and realized that grapes and raisins are crazy poisonous. And they don’t know why. And they don’t know the exact dosage. And as few as a couple dozen raisins have killed Labs.
They go into renal failure and it’s painful and lame and horrible and expensive.
Been there, done that (with Pixie this summer). I have neither the funds nor the emotional wherewithal. Basically, Dozer dies and you may as well check me into a mental institution.
Anyway, I gave him a bunch of hydrogen peroxide and he ran around like he’d been poisoned (which he had, but by raisins. In this case, the H2O2 was the least of his problems.)
Honestly and in hindsight, I really kind of regret I didn’t videotape it. He rubbed his face on the ground so ferociously he has grass stains on his fur! He whooped and hollered and foamed like Cujo…and then nothing. It’s supposed to make them throw up within ten to fifteen minutes. Nothing.
The damn animal is impervious to the barf-inducing powers of hydrogen peroxide. Figures.
I swear, that dog is in a conspiracy to get me down to my last dime.
Anyway, I took him to the vet and they gave him something to make him puke and the raisins came up, and he remained totally oblivious to the fact that he’d just nearly died, and I came home to blog about it, and discovered the blog was down (again) and started contacting stupid Bluehost. I actually recognize the names and voices of some of the people there. That’s not good.
So long story short, after half a dozen calls to Bluehost over a 24-hour period the blog miraculously (probably giving them way too much credit) came back and all’s well that ends well and only 13 more unlucky events to go…
Bring it on.
Tags: Alaskan Malamutes, Dog accidental death, Dog raisin death, dog raisin poisoning, Dog suicide, dogs eating raisins, funny random observations, funny random stories, Humor, humorous blog, I seriously need to start buying lottery scratch tickets. Or robbing banks., Life, Malamutes are dumb, my dog ate a pound of raisins, My dog ate an entire box of raisins, My dog is a friggin idiot, My dog would probably eat a stick of dynamite if you gave it to him, My Malamute is shamelessly dumb, My Malamute nearly committed suicide, Raisins are super poisonous for dogs, Raisins are super toxic for dogs, raisins poisonous for dogs, random humorous observations, random musings, random sh*t floating around in my head, random things my dog eats
