Kids are scary
So I stumbled into some kind of article about all the secret code kids use to talk dirty on their cell phones (a.k.a. sexting), and I, for one, am shocked.
Actually, let me restate that. I’m grossed out.
And I’m wondering how on earth it is that things have changed so much in 20 years?
This is actually a pretty clever ad campaign from a teen + unplanned pregnancy prevention group.
When I was 18 years old, I had a close male friend who offered me $100 to record the outgoing message “When I think about you I touch myself” (in homage to the hit song at the time) on his answering machine, and I wouldn’t do it. And if I remember correctly, the offer was raised by at least another $100 before he stopped asking.
Yet the combination of peer pressure and cold hard cash was not enough to break me.
I think I worried about it coming back to haunt me in my bid for the Presidency or I was just a prude or who knows. Regardless, I wouldn’t do it. These days, I could use the money. You know who you are. Call me if offer still stands.
Meanwhile, I also remember that I was rendered immediately and immensely uncomfortable by the mere sight or sound of Rod Stewart. I have an explicit memory of being in my friend’s basement rec room in my late elementary years (so 9 or 10 years old), and seeing him on TV singing “If You Want My Body” and wishing I could drop dead from awkwardness and shame right then and there.
In other words, I would have never – even with the available technology – have sent any of this filthy stuff. My mother was a world-class snoop, so I probably would have had to use the ‘MOS’ or “PAL” codes (and in hindsight, wish I ‘d known them), but that’s it.
I can’t even imagine who I would have sent them to. By and large, the boys I liked tended to be odd outcasts, unpopular and even actively disliked. Thus, my crushes were a shameful secret that I kept to myself, and I hid them so well and buried them so deep that even at this moment I struggle to recall the name of a single guy I liked in middle school. Love is weird like that. Fleeting and completely forgettable…
Anyway, and without further ado – and apologies if you’re prudish or easily offended or are now suddenly realizing that your sweet and innocent 12-year old is actually a raging floozy – here’s the lineup.
Top 50 Internet Acronyms Parents Need to Know:
1. 8 – Oral sex
2. 1337 – Elite
3. 143 – I love you
4. 182 – I hate you
5. 459 – I love you
6. 1174 – Nude club
7. 420 – Marijuana
8. ADR – Address
9. ASL – Age/Sex/Location
10. banana – Penis
11. CD9 – Code 9 (it means parents are around)
12. DUM – Do You Masturbate?
13. DUSL – Do You Scream Loud?
14. FB – F*** Buddy
15. FMLTWIA – F*** Me Like The Whore I Am
16. FOL – Fond of Leather
17. GNOC – Get Naked On Cam
18. GYPO – Get Your Pants Off
19. IAYM – I Am Your Master
20. IF/IB – In the Front -or- In the Back
21. IIT – Is it Tight?
22. ILF/MD – I Love Female/Male Dominance
23. IMEZRU – I Am Easy, Are You?
24. IWSN – I Want Sex Now
25. J/O – Jerking Off
26. KFY -or- K4Y – Kiss For You
27. kitty – Vagina
28. KPC – Keeping Parents Clueless
29. LMIRL – Let’s Meet in Real Life
30. MOOS – Member of the Opposite Sex
31. MOSS – Member(s) of the Same Sex
32. MorF – Male or Female
33. MOS – Mom Over Shoulder
34. MPFB – My Personal F*** Buddy
35. NALOPKT – Not A Lot of People Know That
36. NIFOC – Nude In Front of the Computer
37. NMU – Not Much, You?
38. P911 – Parent Alert
39. PAL – Parents are Listening
40. PAW – Parents are Watching
41. PIR – Parent in Room
42. POS – Parent Over Shoulder -or- Piece of Sh**
43. PRON – Porn
44. Q2C – Quick to Cum
45. RU/18 – Are You Over 18?
46. RUH – Are You Horny?
47. S2R – Send to Receive
48. SorG – Straight or Gay
49. TDTM – Talk Dirty to Me
50. WYCM – Will You Call Me?
My mental image of what today's oversexed kids will be like in another 20 years, after they've worn themselves out on talking dirty and can't even bear to look at the number 8 anymore.
I’m wondering for #49 if the following response is acceptable?
88811748811741431337888
Oooh, baby.
I love it when you text to me like that!
And I’m fond of leather.
But not like that. In a cute bomber jacket or a nice pair of boots or something. But still…
Tags: dirty secret code for kids texts, funny random stories, Humor, humorous blog, humorous observations, humorous random musings, humorous random observations, humorous storytelling, humorous take on stupid news, humorous take on the news, Kids growing up too fast, Life, maybe it was better when everyone died by 40 and you didn't have to live with the consequences of your stupid teen years quite so long?, random musings, random sh*t floating around in my head, secret code for texting, sexting, sexting secret code, teens are idiots, tweens are idiots, what is up with all the sexting? I have never sexted and I don't plan to any time soon
orange you glad I didn’t say “banana”?
Oh so that is what some of those acronyms mean.
I once uploaded Extreme’s “Get the Funk Out” from their ‘Pornograffiti’ release on a cassette tape with my walkman to one of my high school computer class Mac II’s to play a 7 sec. clip of “If you don’t like what you see hear, Get the funk out” whenever the 3-inch floppy is ejected. Would have been great shenanigans hearing about the victimized students’ befuddled reactions when they ejected a floppy disc but unfortunately I completely bombed the OS on the same computer shortly after I successfully recorded the audio clip.