I killed a Mac
In less than a week.
A really frigging expensive Mac, if that counts for anything.
And a brand new aluminum MacBook, as well (which is somewhat redundant to the sentence above, but not so much if you’ve never looked into the pricing).
It lasted five days before the hard drive screeched to a grinding, crunchy halt.
I’m not happy about it, and I don’t get it, but apparently I’m some kind of Kiss of the Spiderwoman curse for laptops of any make, creed, origin, or operating system.
A friend suggested that the problem is electromagnetic in nature. Like I’m electromagnetic, that is, and have some freaky brain waves that fry the poor, helpless mechanical gears to tiny bits. If there ever is a rising of the machines, I may be our secret weapon.
Basically, I’m like Powder without the albinism. And with eyebrows. And with a whole big pile of broken computer parts.
In other news, and probably not related (but maybe related??? You be the judge), I have been on an osyter bender.
It all started on Wednesday when I discovered that a grocery store near my home was selling fresh oysters for $.50 each. Fifty cents!!! Fiddy cents!!!!
So I bought a dozen.
And when I discovered that they were fresh and non-poisoning, I asked a friend (who lives a mere two blocks from said grocery store) to bring two dozen when she came over for dinner that night.
And then Friday, tragedy struck. They only had five left.
But the five were good, and I enjoyed them and tried not to think about the fact that I was seven short of a healthy dozen. Life is hard sometimes. Especially if you’re an oyster within a five-mile radius of my mouth.
Then on Saturday, tragedy became ecstasy when I discovered that they had three dozen baby oysters and they were selling them for only $.25 each!!!!
Here’s where I made a bad call: I only took two of the three dozen. I didn’t want to seem greedy. Or obsessed. Or addicted.
But I’ll tell you what, as I was eighteen into my delicious stash, I lamented passing on the last dozen. I thought of them there lying on the cold ice with no one to eat them, and if the grocery store weren’t currently overly difficult to reach due to some road construction in between our two locations, I would have gone back.
And if I could have coerced someone to go for me, I would have.
But alas, it was not to be.
On Sunday, as you know, I rest. And that includes the murderous slaughter of raw oysters. It’s a god thing.
Lastly – and you can probably see this coming – this morning I stopped by a different store location of the same chain and discovered some super huge mamas for $.79 each. Due to the unexpected price hike, I elected to purchase just 12.
Somehow during the chitchat process of getting my oysters from the guy behind the counter, I somehow let it slip that I was psychotically obsessed with the obtaining and eating of oysters. And that I eat them raw.
“You’re going to eat a dozen oysters?”
“Um. No. Maybe. Um. Yes. Yes, I am.”
“You can eat a dozen oysters?”
“Um. No. Probably not. Well, yeah. I can. I have a good metabolism…”
“You eat them raw!?”
“Yep.”
“I’m afraid to eat them raw.”
“Yep.”
“I ate ten once.”
He grilled them. And poured tequila on them to make sure they were dead, or at least knocked out. And I was very sweet and pretended to be interested, but in my head another voice was talking and it said, “Buddy, ten oysters is for amateurs. I could do ten in my sleep. And, in fact, just two days ago I ate TWENTY-FOUR standing at my counter, shucking and pouring them down my pie hole. How ya like me now?”
But I didn’t. I took my bounty, and I left, and I ate them all for lunch.
This brings me to another thought: Does anybody know if there’s an oyster eating contest, because I think I could sweep the thing?
Tags: Aluminum MacBook with broken hard drive, funny random stories, hard drive failure in aluminum MacBook, Hard drive failure in brand new MacBook, Humor, humorous observations, humorous storytelling, I could eat my weight in raw oysters, I friggin love raw oysters, Life, MacBook with broken hard drive, oysters, oysters on the halfshell, pointless random observations, random humorous observations, random musings, random sh*t floating around in my head, random thoughts, raw oysters, Some day raw oysters - or related salmonella - will be the death of me
You killed a Mac ?? – I do hope it wasn’t a double bacon Mac.
And the Oysters thang. I used to think you were just eccentric, but now I’m convinced you’re just plain freaky !! ROFL…..
” Line ‘em up Sam ”
” No Miss, I think you’ve had enough ”
” I’ve only had 30 !! ”
” Go home miss, get some rest”
Actually, not so long ago there was a place near Myrtle Beach (South Carolina) called Murrells Inlet where they would sell you an entire bushel of oysters in a burlap sack for five bucks… Five Buckaroos! Of course you would have to shuck them yourself… No problem. Pop’em in the oven and let them pop. Eat them by the ton. You got to come on down and we will do it! The World’s first international oyster shucking beer chugging contest. Bring it on baby, bring it on! Let me show you how its done. BTW Ya know the Southeastern Writers Association is going to have their conference not far from there in a couple of weeks. Be there or be square:-)
Ah what did I tell ya about Macs.