The Best Feeling Ever

So you know when you’re at a huge concert and you’ve been drinking beer and holding it as hard as you can because you don’t want to miss a single second and then finally there’s the intermission and physiologically you can take no more and you simply MUST go to the bathroom and then there’s a huge, long line and you endure that for ever and ever and ever…and then FINALLY you get your chance and are able to go?

Check and mate. Dozer can so top that.

Last night

This one time I went and saw the musical Wicked on Broadway (AMAZING!!!) in Manhattan and the line for the women’s room was down the block and there was some kind of employee in there drill sergeanting us through the occasion (“All right girls! Hurry! Hurry! HURRY! Two minutes and counting, girls!!! Move it along! Make it count! One minute and thirty seconds, girls! I’ve got a line here! Move it along!!! Move it!!!!”) in a completely nerve-wracking manner. (I suppose I’m fairly unaccustomed to being screamed at while using the bathroom…)

But I managed to get through it and go somehow, and I felt both relieved and triumphant and definitely faster than the girl in the adjacent stall, and I got back into the theatre right before the intermission ended, and before they locked the doors.

What I’m saying – and please forgive the inherent rudeness of this suggestion – but do you know the insane pleasure of finally going to the bathroom when you REALLY have to go to the bathroom?

Well, Dozer had been on an IV for 24 hours and was insanely pumped full of fluids.

And didn’t pee.

Not once.

In 24 hours.

He's home!!!

And they were a little bit freaked out about this, although mostly convinced that he wasn’t comfortable enough to let ‘er rip…as it were.

And I got him home and took him on a very short walk where he proceeded to go – and I am not exaggerating here – for three solid minutes. It was like that scene in the first Austin Powers movie after they wake him up from being frozen for thirty years…except it lasted five times as long. I was honestly surprised he was able to balance on three legs for such an extended period.

Anyway, this is a long-winded and probably overly descriptive way of saying he’s home and (minus some obsessive licking of the area where they shaved his arm) doing just fine.

In fact, he’s back up on the counters like it never happened.

Idiot.

Tags: dog eating stupid things, Dog near-death experience, dog surviving chocolate poisoning, dog surviving coffee poisoning, He won't stop licking the spot where they shaved him and I'm worried it's going to get funky, Humor, humorous blog, I have dicked around this whole morning, I haven't eaten anything yet today and it's 1pm. No wonder I feel light-headed, Life, Like all the other times I'm not even sure he realizes he almost died, me me me, my dog is a goat, my dog is an idiot, Stupid dog, That was a very expensive little mess, The shaved spot looks like a chicken leg. It's weird.

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