This is Kane.
He lives in my bathtub.

I hope this is a cane spider anyway. I'm running with assumption...
He’s been there about four, maybe five days now. I don’t have the heart to throw him out. I’m not sure what to do about him, actually.
He doesn’t like the water. When I shower, he runs toward the back and sits on my razor (and then scurries away from my razor if I reach for it, which is thoughtful of him.) However, he doesn’t not like the water enough to move.
He’s set up shop in the tub, and I suspect he’ll live out the rest of his natural life there eating…???
What do cane spiders eat, anyway?
Hopefully not sugar cane, because there’s none around here. There isn’t even any sugar, save some stevia which isn’t sugar really and has kind of a bitter thing going on.
Come to think of it, I know very little about my new roommate except that he is a gargantuan spider. Minus my black widow freak out, I rather like spiders. This is good news for Kane, because is he was a millipede I would have beaten him senseless with a platform shoe upon first sight. This is mostly because of the dog: he once ate a yellowjacket and it did NOT go down quietly. As his tongue was being stung, he turned to me with a look that said, “How could you have let this happen???” so I have vowed not to let the same occur with any centipedes or millipedes that may enter.

Kane: retro spider
This is especially true since Fu is coming soon: next Monday, in fact! This makes me worry a little, as Fu Manchu is quite the hunter. My friends’ cat just ate its first gecko, and they were very upset about this. I tried to assure them there were millions more where that gecko came from, but they weren’t comforted. As for me, I consider this house a 24-hour all-you-can-eat gecko buffet. Go nuts.
Do spiders hiss?
I crawled into the tub to take a few more pictures – this time with Hipstamatic. Enjoy! – and I could have sworn I heard Kane hiss at me. That’s not very nice, if so.
Upon looking this up, I’d say the information is inconclusive:
The brown huntsman spider, Heteropoda venatoria, is found in many tropical and subtropical parts of the world, including Asia, some Mascarene and Caribbean islands, the Southeastern US, and (especially) Australia. In Hawaii, where it was introduced, it is known as the cane spider. They are fairly large, some having a leg span of approximately five inches (13 centimetres). Although they are rather fearsome in appearance, they are very easily alarmed by the approach of humans and will very rapidly flee.

Kane: electric Kool Aid acid test spider.
The female brown huntsman can be recognized by her stout body and the pillow-like egg sac that she often carries under her. (YUCK!!! Happy to report Kane appears to be male.) The male typically has a slender body, longer and thinner legs, and a distinctive pattern on his carapace Both male and female are reddish-brown to grayish-brown in color, and slightly hairy.
Brown huntsman spiders do not spin webs. These spiders are known to hunt by waiting quietly on a vertical surface (or even a ceiling) and then rushing forward when their prey gets within close range. Their exceptional agility and speed, as well as their ability to contort and squeeze through tight spaces, give them a strong advantage both in capturing prey and evading predators. They feed at night. Brown huntsmen are welcomed in some homes, as they feed on pests such as roaches and silverfish
The hissing aside, Kane is welcome to stay put in the tub. I don’t even want to think what he’s been catching in there and if it’s been coming up from the drains or what, but any enemy of the roach is a friend of mine.