Archive for March 15th, 2012

Craigslist Anonymous

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

Is there a 12-step program for Craigslist, because I may need to join.

I’d been doing all right. Only looking at my Craigslist Plus alerts once or twice a day, but a couple of weeks ago I moved into a new place and had some new needs. It started out small, but like any addiction, the whole thing just kind of snuck up on and got away from me…

Now don’t get me wrong. Craigslist – at least here on Maui – is one of the truly great inventions of our time. I have furnished an entire home almost exclusively through it. I have met a wide variety of people: bought a rug from a legit mansion and walked out of what looked like a meth house with nothing because the people scared the crap out of me.

I’ve met people moving to Colorado, London, Arizona, Maryland, Australia, South Carolina, California, Oahu, Tokyo, and Thailand and I have a little piece of each of them here in my house. All of that is fine.

What’s out of my control is my burgeoning obsession with the weird and bizarre. Like the “free” section. I have yet to jump on any of these fabulous offers, but I sure do enjoy some of them.

Like this guy who apparently does not realize that a large bag of shredded paper = trash.

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Or this person who apparently has a desire to see if there really is someone so desperate that they would drive even ten feet for this monstrosity and actually plans to allow that misguided, probably legally insane, soul in their home.
Seriously, if you told me there was a dead body inside this thing I would not be surprised. It would also help explain the odd location of the most egregious stain.

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And who wouldn’t want a broke down trampoline?

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Mark, it’s called the dump. It’s in Pu’unene. It wants your trampoline. Take it there now.

However, my greatest joy comes from the occasional outraged individual who writes a response to some of this madness. It almost makes me want to start posting ads for ridiculous free things just to see if I could get someone to play.

These are some of my all-time favorites, which showed up after about a month’s worth (at least) of these cassette tape postings kept appearing.

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And then a few days later…

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This ad I wish I had not seen, because now I am battling a compulsion to go over to this person’s house, lay on the floor, and cover myself in kittens.

I need a cat like I need a hole in the head, but the part of me that loves kittens has no interest in niggling details such as that. It just wants to party with kittens.

There ain’t no party like a kitten party, cause a kitten party don’t stop.

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Ah, Craigslist. If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right

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