Archive for April 19th, 2012

I pity the fool!

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Screw the Maui WordPress MeetUp. I don’t need to fend off the awkward advances of weird nerds or get my head filled with a bunch of Internet lingo crap I won’t remember anyway.  I need to spend hours trying to fix things I don’t understand like I need a hole in the head. In fact, if the weird tingling in my tooth is any indicator, I may have a hole  in my head already. I may as well try to attempt to fix that (likely) cavity myself before I try to fix the blog myself…

Which is why I just slapped down the money for a service called “Securi” and will let them do the honors. I may have to write Google to explain I’ve done this and get myself off the watch list, but for $89.00 a year (Beer? Securi fee help? Support? Pity? Anyone? Anyone?) it should ensure we are business as usual. Business as usual being…a post every couple weeks.


American flag shirt

Dude try to fuck up a girl's blog. Not cool.

Sorry about that. You never know, perhaps shelling out further for the blog will encourage me to actually write it. It’s not that I don’t want to write it, mind you, it’s just that I have  been absurdly – even painfully – busy lately and then there’s the overriding complication that I have built all these rules about what I won’t or don’t want to write about like:

1) My personal life (when I don’t tell you the good stuff then I [thank God] don’t have to fill in the blanks when it all goes to hell.)

2) Details regarding people (friends, family, etc.) who have no voice/can’t defend themselves

3) Make fun of people (I can’t help it. I’m kind of a nice person. I’d feel awful if anyone ever discovered I’d mocked them.)

4) Lose clients or my job (I kinda hate my new job. But I don’t want to lose it just yet.)

5) Share too many secrets about the cult I recently joined

6) Use the word “cult” to describe the awesome group of new friends I’ve made!

7) Reveal that my awesome new friends require me to be naked and perform incredibly grueling physical labor for twelve to fourteen hours each day and provide me with only some watery broth and bread crusts as nourishment.

8} ……………………….help me…………………………..


So anywho, I’m feeling much better now that I (think/believe/hope/paid $90 I don’t really have) got the situation covered by pros. And from that perspective, let me warn you: DON’T BE HACKING MY BLOG, BITCHES!

I may not be able to circumvent your crafty asses myself, but I am willing to throw money at the problem to shut you down. Besides, promoting “personalized cancer drugs” ain’t cool when (obviously…seeing as you have to hack blogs to sell them) they aren’t real. Think of all the poor cancer patients who want personalized drugs or, worse yet, all the people with Munchhausens who will REALLY want them just because the word “cancer” is in the link and that’s their really hard to comprehend mental problem. Anyway, fake cancer drugs are crappy. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s a straight ticket to hell or a venal sin or at least worthy of a lengthy purgatory (God’s detention) to think about what you did wrong and why.

Word to your mother.





(I don’t actually know what that means. I just thought it would be funny.)










p.s.? ?

Did any of you see that movie “Young Adult”? Was that supposed to be funny? What WAS that? I found the Charlize Theron character utterly self-important and kind of painful to watch. How is that entertaining???

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