Apr

At Least My Cabin Was Free of Dead Cows

So recently I bitched about my night on Haleakala. You know: overpriced, diner bench bed-offering, fishbowl exhibitionist cabin where the hikers start barging in at 9am? Nearly dying on the way back in flash floods and whilst enduring sunshine daydream delusions only added to the fun…

Well, I should have been grateful, because at least I wasn’t dealing with this:

Frozen cows in cabin spur warnings at hot springs

ASPEN, Colo. (AP) — Federal forest officials want visitors of a Colorado hot springs to be very careful about what’s lurking inside a remote cabin nearby: Frozen cows.

Rangers believe the cows wandered into the cabin near the popular Conundrum Hot Springs during a snowstorm but couldn’t find their way out. Air Force Academy cadets found their frozen carcasses while snowshoeing in late March.

U.S. Forest Service spokesman Bill Kight said Tuesday that water samples have been taken to determine if the hot springs was contaminated by the dead animals.

Rangers want the carcasses gone before they thaw. Removal options include explosives or burning down the cabin.

In the meantime, officials have posted warning signs about the cows around the hot springs near Aspen in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.

Yeah. Right.

Cows wandering into cabins.

Does this add up??

Big Foot is notoriously camera shy.

No. Really. I’ve never owned a cow.

Does this add up?

Sure, the place is called “Conundrum Hot Springs” but unless there was shrimp on the barbie or some leftover McDonalds on the counter, I can’t even imagine my super domesticated dog wandering into a random cabin. And who leaves the doors of a US Forest Service cabin left open anyway?

I’m not liking this one bit.

It reeks all suspicious and stinks of involvement like Greys and Reptilians and Pegasus and stuff.

In fact…has El Chupacabra shown up in Conundrum Hot Springs? Maybe that explains the weird, hairy bugger you saw chewing on a lamb leg at the other end of the tub last month?? Utilize the hot springs at your own risk, indeed…

How about a Sasquatch? I bet it’s within Big Foot’s power to herd a bunch of cattle into a U.S. Forestry service cabin and certain (?), accidental (?) inexplicable death. You can hardly blame him: I bet he’s lonely. Or hungry. or both.

Happily, this is not an imminent danger in my world. You’re about as likely to find me on the moon as you are in Aspen. Nope. I prefer to sit here in my Maui home, with these sofas and comfy beds and absolutely no livestock, thawed or otherwise. My need to freeze is zero.

As for what to do about the crystallized cattle conundrum in Conundrum Springs? Well, I cast my vote all for fireworks: bring on the explosives and stand back!

p.s.

Whatever you do, DO NOT GOOGLE “FROZEN COW IMAGES.” Oh lordy, that makes a girl sad…