Archive for June, 2012

Or maybe you’re just punishing me?

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

Well, so much for my hunger…er…blog strike.

I thought I could wait you guys out and someone would deliver up a wildlife cam for our shared enjoyment…but no. Not quite.

Turns out you’re a far more hardened bunch than I realized. Guess I’d better bone up on my passive resistance techniques or try another approach. How does regret hit you?

Take a gander at the Dozer-based chaos that wasn’t caught on film. Exhibit A is this venture into a bag of vacuum cleaner-based garbage (almost entirely composed of black dirt and hair) in the pursuit of an empty Styrofoam container and what was probably an eggshell or papaya skin.

Malamute garbage eater

***groan***

 

At least the vacuum cleaner was still nearby…

Malamute laughing

He almost looks like he's laughing.

Note the excessive amount of hair contained in the rifled through garbage. I have an endless problem with the furry beast, especially since summer (and occasional 90-degree days) have come. I brush him…really, I do…but it doesn’t seem to help. I suppose with dog grooming courses I could make some real traction, but I already have far too many “careers” and irons in the fire to start down that road.

Malamute garbage mess

He has no shame.

Or maybe you would have preferred to see him tear through these snacks?

And this doesn’t even include the two croissants, loaf of bread, bag of uncooked Thai rice noodles, and god knows what else I cleaned up before I remembered to photograph it for you.

Nonetheless, the King is my boy, and food theft is the cost of doing business when you live with a Malamute. In fact, when he was a puppy I met a woman who told me she’d been reduced to keeping her trash can on top of her fridge.

Granted, not a proper crown, but I think he was pleased nonetheless.

In other news…there isn’t much other news.

I’m about to start writing a new book…but I think I’m going to put the venture up on Kickstart and see if someone (ahem) won’t help me make ends meet while I do so. I have – as I mentioned – about five side businesses, but I would honestly pare my life down to just writing fiction (and of course this blog, which by the way is now four years old. Happy Birthday, blog! Sorry I’m such a neglectful parent. Thank god you don’t need food or you’d be dead.) if I could.

However, until that day comes, I’ll just continue freelance writing, giving hypnotherapy sessions, running workshops, helping out a local caterer, renting out my guest room to complete and total strangers (this is the first thing that’s going away as soon as I can swing it. Even though most everyone has been lovely, I really rather hate having other people in my house and having to fake like I’m thrilled they’re here. I would be a TERRIBLE bed and breakfast purveyor.) and selling drugs.

Just kidding on that last one, Mom and Dad. Selling drugs and having complete and total strangers sleep in your house don’t mix, so I went with the less dangerous (???) option.

Hot Malamute

This makes me laugh.

 

Alaskan Malamute in Maui

The King and I on our walk this morning.

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You’re really just punishing yourself

Monday, June 4th, 2012

You are.

But I think it’s time you put an end to that.

 

I need this.

BUY IT!!!! Just let the impulse take over and BUY IT NOW!!!

And it wouldn’t just be you who would benefit. I’m missing out a little bit too. I won’t lie: I’ve been sad about that, but I’m ready to move on. Just imagine the fun we’ll have:  the laughs we would share, the stories we could tell, and the endless parade of blog fodder provided if only one of you would buy me the Primos Truth Cam 35 Camera.

No. I’m not getting into hunting nor do I think my neighbors are up to no good (well, they are, but I don’t need a camera to tell me that).

No, the intended target of my truth telling is my dog, Dozer.

In the last month he has realized (figured out?) that crunchy or crinkly bags or wrappers - although entirely sealed – contain good stuff. As a result of that epiphany, he has eaten several candy bars, an entire bag of egg noodles, and even a bag of salad.

Do you really think you could live with yourself knowing that you missed out on the footage the day he figures out how to use a can opener?

Using baby gates to keep a dog out of a kitchen.

The next step is armed guards.

I didn’t think so.

And even though I’ve had to install a heavy duty baby gate around my kitchen (you read that right…unfortunately) that still doesn’t mean he can’t stand up on the counter nearest the dining room and pilfer all the items just listed. He can. He has. He will again…of this I have no doubt.

So come on!

Throw a dog a bone and a blogger a spy cam and help yourself out: there ain’t nothing funnier than a Malamute gorging himself on stolen people food while he thinks he’s all alone. Or at least that’s my assumption. I wouldn’t know as I have yet to see it myself.

You can change that.

And you can prevent forest fires.

Yes, you can!

Malamute begging

He only looks innocent.

So what are you waiting for? That’s right. Click on the link from the wishlist there on the right, pull out your credit card, and send the Primos Truth Cam 35 Camera to Kihei.

p.s.

I’m not above taking an Ambien and putting the camera in my own room if it gets one of you to pull the spy cam trigger. Legend has it I look out the windows and say things like “They’re here.” Could be interesting stuff!

But we’ll never know unless you buy the spy cam, now, will we?

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