Should I Die Before I Wake
I don’t have a will.
Every half-decade or so I think to myself, “I really should get a will,” but seeing as I don’t really own much of anything worth fighting about, it never really goes beyond the “fleeting thought” phase.
Thus, should I meet my untimely end during one of the five flights I’ll be taking or while piloting one of the two rental cars I’ll be driving in the next week and a half, here are some suggestions that will hopefully prevent matters from having to be resolved by a probate service.
1) My dad gets the pets. Sorry, Dad, but considering the lap of luxury in which your own cats live, well, I’m thinking about shipping you my pets NOW, while I’m still alive. That’s what you get for making catnip tea for Mini…
2) My brother can have the guitars…unless someone else wants them. There are five of them plus a ukulele (I know, I know) and that list includes a really nice Martin, so there should be plenty to go around should any of you get greedy. In that case, give my brother a laptop or something useful: maybe he could actually fix one of them (as I can’t seem to own a laptop for more than six months without it developing a fatal flaw.)
3) Give my friend Jen L. my shoes. She’s always trying to get me to give them to her anyway. Hell, considering all I wear anymore is flip flops (or “slippahs” as they are known in Hawaii), I should probably give them to her even if I live to be 100.
4) Pack up my books and ship them to my mom. She’s probably going to kill me for cluttering up her place like that, but she likes to read more than anyone I know, and I’ll already be dead so I can take it.
5) Open the fridge and let my dog go crazy before he gets shipped off to his new Shangri-La in Pennsylvania. I’m quite convinced that’s his life’s dream and it may as well be fulfilled.
6) Pretty much everything else came from Craiglist, so you may as well return it all to its motherland and post it under “free.”
Glad that’s settled! However, it just occurred to me that when I got my Hawaii license they asked “do you have a living will?” and I found myself thinking, “I really should get a living will,” and…well…you know the rest.
