I admit it. I’m pretty proud of this.

I’m insanely busy.

In fact, insane people would go to a level beyond insanity if they had to deal with what’s going on with me right now.

It’s all (mostly) good though.

I am weirdly hitting my stride and finding this strange sweet spot on this island that kind of stuns me a little bit.

I feel really blessed, honestly. There’s a belief here that “Maui” (as if she were a sentient being) embraces you or boots your ass out, or it could be Pele and the others. Regardless, somebody up there likes me and although the pay ain’t so impressive, I am getting (milk money) funded to write funny pieces a la this blog.
So yeah.

The money may suck (balls), but there is a notable audience involved and I get to do what I love (attempt to be funny) so I’m actually freakishly happy about it all.

Anywho, last night I was hanging out with some friends and someone went to a site that I write for to show someone else a piece I did. While there, a headline -

Woman Arrested After Falling Through Ceiling of Police Station -

to be exact, caught their eye.

At first I thought my editor was assigning satirical pieces to someone else and was kinda pissed, but when I realized this ACTUALLY HAPPENED I decided to attempt what a team of a dozen seasoned writers do daily and as a group and with the advantage of bouncing off others and for six figures for David Letterman by myself.

There are some changes here that aren’t mine and that wouldn’t have necessarily been my choice, but my editor was having a bad day – unrelated to me. I am a veritable ray of sunshine. Plus, I’m super grateful he lets me run this stuff at all…no less to such a broad audience – so I decided not to split hairs and here you go. As usual, linked before it’s over because I don’t honestly know if I have legal rights to reprint it.  (???)

Plus, then you can go and leave “fan” comments to counter the guy who called me a “whiny coward” three times over my in-jest Iao Valley hike piece.

Gah.

It’s called a sense of humor, dude.

Look into it.

Top 10 Excuses for Being in the Ceiling of a Police Station

**Editor’s note: This article is based on yesterday’s story about a woman who was arrested after falling through the ceiling of Kihei Police Station.**

Vanessa Wolf tends to avoid police stations in all ways, shapes, and forms.

By Vanessa Wolf

To the best of our knowledge Nick Nolte has never crashed through the ceiling of a police station, but we envision a similar photo might that ever occur.

It’s always alarming when someone unexpectedly crashes through the ceiling of a police station, and we sincerely hope everything works out for anyone that may have happened to recently.

Still, we can’t help but wonder if maybe there isn’t a perfectly reasonable explanation?

Here are some suggestions for those of you who may find yourself looking up at a cadre of officers after falling through a police station ceiling:

10. “A unicorn double-dog dared me.”

9. “Wait. What? You mean this isn’t a lava tube?”

8. “It’s really hard to meet guys on this island.”

7.  “I get on these mochi benders and… well, you see what happens.” (Mine was, “I haven’t been quite the same since I gave up wheat.”)

6. “Bitches be crazy.”

5. “It’s Obama’s fault.”

For  number four I had, “I was just trying to get some publicity for my blog.”

To see what actually ran, click here

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