Or are you afraid of it?

Well, chances are I got it on Craigslist…or at Ross.

Although I have come to think of my home as “the house that Craigslist built,” I must admit I draw the line on certain things – dishes, pillows, towels, sheets – and that’s where Ross comes in.

Let’s get real: Ross in a lowbrow store.

It’s somewhere between a rummage sale and Goodwill and the lamest stuff on clearance at Pier One…and yet somehow here in Maui it’s kind of an awesome store. Maybe it’s the desperate nature of retail here in general. Everything comes on a boat, so if you need it, want it, or just plain like it, you’d better buy it now…because God only knows when or if it will ever be stocked again. This rule applies for Wal-mart, Costco, you name it; but it is especially pertinent at Ross.

Add to the desperation the typical randomness found at any Ross, and throw a healthy dash of really dreadful inventory (whether someone is specifically to blame or if the Ross headquarters figures they’ll just ship the “unsellables” to Maui knowing damn well we have no other good options is an unknown) and I freaking love the place. It’s like a museum of WTF…and I for one, cannot get enough WTF in my life.

Consider the following:

These horrible pillows. All I can say is ‘wow.’

No one should own – let alone pay good money – for such atrocities, and yet somehow the store is carrying at least 20 of the polka dotted ones. That takes balls. Or sheer madness.

Looking in the “electronics” area, I was not terribly surprised to find a dozen mitted ice scrapers. It’s December. It’s Maui. It’s 82 here every day. We need ice scrapers like we need a hole in the head. But maybe insanity is contagious because once again, I find myself charmed.

This I actually plan to buy, if only for the typo. The recipient of such splendor has already been identified…I’m just hoping the catastrophe goes on clearance, as $9.99 is too rich for my blood.

Of course, Santa needs to take care of herself. No more boring Kool Aid out of a pitcher for me!

Lastly, keep your opinions of this treasure to yourself. Whether it’s some kind of subliminal messaging or an early symptom of Island Fever, I bought this baby. All five feet of her can currently be found hanging over my bed.

What can I say?

I blame it on Ross.

Maui hypnotherapist

On the beach in Sitges, Spain with 800 of my closest friends

Okay, so I owe a better update than this, but it’s super late, and I’ve decided to take the early train route to Lourdes, and I’ll have about a kajillion hours tomorrow to compose some lengthy thoughts for you.

That stated, let me share three key points:

1. Looking at the Sagrada Familia today, I cannot believe no one has built a casino based on this – yet – in Vegas. Better yet, Barcelona, The Casino. It would SO TOTALLY work. Gaudi’s works alone would springboard the Strip to the next level. Screw all these homages to Italy, where’s the phantasmagoria???

2. In researching Lourdes, I happened to discover that the Catholic Church is in the process of declaring the same Gaudi a saint. From this very interesting (and timely) article that popped up in the sidebar of a priest’s or nun’s or pilgrim’s Lourdes journal, “

When in 1926 God’s architect was run over by a No. 30 tram on his way to evening prayer, he was mistaken for a beggar and taken to Barcelona’s pauper hospital. His friends found him there the next day. But Antoni Gaudí refused to leave. “Here is where I belong”, he told them. He had always wanted to leave this world poor and did, two days later, aged 74, honoured by a city which universally acknowledged him to be both an artistic genius and a saint.

If it went through, he’d be the first professional anything to be made a saint. Also, note to self: Be very careful around the Barcelona trams.

3. I had this totally crazy dream last night that I was hanging out with Barack Obama and George Bush. I was egging them on to arm wrestle, and I guess Bush liked the abuse, because he came up to me afterward and was hitting on me something fierce. It was so out of line and in your face, but it was also so ridiculous and so ludicrous that I was trying to memorize every word, as I could not WAIT to tell my friends.