Yum-my. That sour puss kind of reminds me of the Cowardly Lion. Or sucking on a lemon.

All right, ladies. I have some pretty exciting news. The moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived: The world’s most eligible pensioner (drawing a handsome $6070 a month) is back on the market. Try not to get too worked up.

Fiancee moves out of Drew Peterson’s home

Christina Raines, 24, removed her belongings from Drew Peterson’s home as the woman’s father looked on. Peterson, 55, is suspected in the October 2007 disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson. Peterson has not been charged, but authorities have said they are investigating the disappearance as a possible homicide.

Peterson has denied any involvement in his wife’s disappearance and has maintained that he believes she left him for another man. Peterson declined to discuss reasons for the breakup with his fiancee, though Selig said it was prompted by Peterson’s appearance Thursday on ABC’s “Nightline.”

Peterson had said on the show that he treated Raines “better than she’s ever been treated.”

Hours later, Raines, her father, Ernest, and a TV crew came to the home to retrieve her belongings. Authorities also are investigating the death of Peterson’s third wife, Kathleen Savio, whose body was found in an empty bathtub in her house in 2004. After Stacy Peterson disappeared, authorities reopened the investigation of Savio’s death, which was originally classified as an accident. Her body was exhumed and her death was reclassified as a homicide following an autopsy.

In December, Peterson had said he was concerned media attention might strain and ultimately end the relationship with Raines, who at the time was 23 — the same age as Stacy Peterson when she disappeared.

No, that's not his daughter. That's his fourth wife. No, not the one that died in the tub. The one that's missing. Disturbing on so many levels...

That’s the downside, girls. Papa likes ‘em young. A solid 30+ year gap, it seems. That puts me well out of the running. I could only be his daughter, not a granddaughter. Even in Appalachia.

However, for those of you young enough to apply (or willing to undergo the cosmetic surgery necessary to ‘pass’), think of the excitement a year-long marriage to a retired cop and probable serial killer could be! Evading death, trying to determine if your food’s too salty or if that’s poison you taste, always wondering if the brakes are actually going to work when you push the pedal…

Oh, the bestseller you could write! (If you live long enough, that is. Otherwise, there’s always that line about ‘only the good dying young’ to comfort those left behind…)

Good luck, and don’t forget to have your parents take out a large insurance policy!