I cannot entirely wrap my brain around this to articulate it really beautifully – just yet – but I have gone from that place of terrible pain to one of peace and even joy. I know it sounds nuts, but I swear it’s true.
My sad situation has not gotten fixed or really changed at all – I am still on probation with no idea what the outcome will be – but I have changed. My God, I have changed.
I didn’t do it alone. I have had more people step forward to hug me while I cried or send me healing energy from afar or make me dinner or say the exact, right words at the exact, right time I needed to hear them. Some of you have even reached out, and I am always so humbled that this blog has reached anyone – let alone so many – and that you occasionally reach back. I cannot thank you enough for showing up and reading whatever the heck this is day after day.
As I warned you, time and life dictate that (at this point) I can’t do a really amazing, long post every day, so that is another way of saying I am wrapping this up now, as I’m exhausted and need to get some sleep.
However, I’ll leave you with this thought: I have a very special woman in my life since coming to this island- a rare and almost magical person who not only talks about and teaches unconditional love, but walks her talk and lives it every day. She’s been giving me some guidance during this crisis, as well, and I know it is part of why I am in such a happiness – real joy, even – even in the midst of the unknown and uncertainty and uncharted land.
But life is the unknown and uncertainty and uncharted land, so I think perhaps we have to just embrace that and love it, even. We have to accept that we don’t know and won’t know, and relish the mystery while cherishing what we do have and love. This same woman once told me that whenever she is in the midst of a painful or bad situation, she will stop and ask herself, “What is perfect in this moment?” I have adopted this myself, and it puts me right back into gratitude even in very dark hours.
So what is perfect in this moment?
Well, thanks to my own efforts and guts and chutzpah and moxie, I now live in Maui, and I can hear the ocean as I type this. That is perfect.
I also have this blog and all of you, and my writing, which brings me so much joy. Both my pets are here, and I have made friends here, and things are starting to go my way. I feel so incredibly validated in my decision to do this kind of crazy and bold thing and come so far away – where I didn’t know a single, solitary person or have anything to fall back on – and all by myself. I listened to my own voice and inner guidance and followed it, and I feel like I was right.What a marvelous thing: to gamble and win.
So goodnight, and as always, I send you much aloha wherever you are.