Posts Tagged ‘Ho hum’

What doesn’t kill you…

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Any astrologists out there? Is there something super misaligned with the stars right now or something?

Although it doesn’t directly impact me, per se, it strikes me as supremely odd (and awful) that at a time of notable disharmony, distress, and gastrointestinal rioting in my life, my dear friend in Bermuda is both:


Send in the clowns...

a) on the island without electricity (although thankfully Hurricane Igor didn’t actually hit them.)

b) processing the horrific news (and property value ramifications) that someone was found dead in her Seattle condo this morning…a week post-mortem. And yes, she knew the person, and no, I don’t know the details, and holy hell, can you imagine the smell!?

I have a set of keys, thereby making me high on the contact list, and I realize I probably shouldn’t blog about it, but I seem to be on a roll of offending and alienating and saying things I shouldn’t, and hell…it really is a good story in a sick and twisted way. I already knew the place was evil and poltergeist infested (this serves as the link to that claim should you wish to see it), but now it’s double-haunted.

I guess the moral of this little post is to say a) it’s important to remember that there’s always someone with bigger problems than yours and not get too overly ‘woe is me’ and  b) I really feel bad for whomever has to clean that place up. Maybe my poor friend will get lucky and a meteor will just nuke the condo to kingdom come (sparing all neighbors and their pets and her good Kitchen Aid mixer, of course). Somehow I suspect she’d prefer a nice, fat insurance check to the actual reality. And as long as I’m making wishes and praying on her behalf: let’s throw in some electricity and a sunny day.

Oh, and a hazmat team and some Glade Plug-ins.


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Monday, September 13th, 2010

If there’s anyone who knows why some people can no longer see the blog (again) on Internet Explorer (again) or why it’s making their browser crash (oops. Sorry. Again.) then could you let me know what I need to turn on or download or upgrade or tune in or turn off or drop out in order to make it all better and play nice, can you drop me a line?

Real message in a bottle

Apparently someone found this for real on March 5th. That's kind of cool. Maybe I should write up my web site woes and put it in a bottle, drive to the beach, chuck it in, and pray for mercy? How disappointing would that be for the poor chump finding it?

Or even if you’d just like to make general suggestions as to what I could smoke, drink, and ingest so that I no longer care?

Of course, if you’re using Internet Explorer right now, I suppose you can’t even see this message in a bottle to be thus moved and step in.

In that case, sorry for crashing your browser and maybe consider a switch to Safari or Firefox?

At the same time, seeing how far WordPress has come as a web page utility, and how cave man Neanderthal “me rub stick make fire” my own knowledge is, and how there are all these beautiful templates out there that I would like to use instead of what I’ve got going on, but am too afraid to load and risk completely f*cking up the blog as we know it forever and for good, I have resolved to buy some hosting and set up an additional website (unbeknownst to you) to play with and break and figure this technological juggernaut out for once and for all.

So help me God.

Or Bill Gates.

I'm trying to understand why people do this. The only message I would put in a bottle would be something about how I'm stuck on a desert island and talking to a volleyball and my split ends are out of control, but only if it were actually true. Otherwise: why bother?

(Or whomever one is supposed to pray to when endeavoring technological feats that are way out of their league. Al Gore? Steve Jobs? Satan?)

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Friday, August 27th, 2010

I just got an email from my host that the server upon which this blog resides will “undergo an upgrade onto newer and faster hardware. This will increase performance of the server and ensure continued stability. This transfer will cause an estimated downtime of 4-7 hours.”

New hair

Putting aside the general terror associated with any server related  change (due mostly to an extensive prior history of things hitting the fan or looking like sh*t or ceasing to function altogether after said ‘upgrades’), what really has me baffled (and a bit alarmed) is that the intended date and time for this project is Friday, June 4th at 8pm.


June 4th like 13 weeks ago?

That June 4th?
Or are they giving me notice nine months in advance?

And do they really expect that I’ll remember this in nine days let alone nine months?
And is June 4th even on a Friday in 2001?

(No. No it is not.)
And why is my dog licking the keyboard?

And is dog saliva safe for a keyboard?

So do they mean to say they’re doing this upgrade tonight?

Same new hair, different background

Or that they already did it?

And can I have any faith that things will look as they should in the morning?

And do I really need this added stress?

(No. No, I do not.)

And am I going to do anything further than post this whiney blog and hope for the best and maybe avoid looking at my own site until at least Sunday for fear that I will find an epic disaster that I have pretty much no idea how to fix?

Probably not.

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So you want to be a writer?

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Since I’m on a mini-roll here, I figured I’d just stay with the same topic one more day.

That stated, do you know this poem?

Pondering the deep questions of life, like what's for lunch.

It’s been on my bathroom mirror for the last eight months, and I can attest that its message is absolute truth.

There’s maybe a little planning and organization that could go into the process that he doesn’t mention, but mostly he’s dead on: The words just come…or they don’t.

Any attempt to force them will sound that way and feel that way and you’ll end up deleting them anyway. It’s as implausible as it is true.

So You Want To Be A Writer

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don’t do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don’t do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your


searching for words,

don’t do it.

if you’re doing it for money or


don’t do it.

if you’re doing it because you want

women in your bed,

don’t do it.

if you have to sit there and

rewrite it again and again,

don’t do it.

if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,

don’t do it.

if you’re trying to write like somebody


forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of


then wait patiently.

if it never does roar out of you,

do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife

or your girlfriend or your boyfriend

or your parents or to anybody at all,

you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,

don’t be like so many thousands of

people who call themselves writers,

don’t be dull and boring and

pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-


the libraries of the world have

yawned themselves to


over your kind.

don’t add to that.

don’t do it.

unless it comes out of

your soul like a rocket,

unless being still would

drive you to madness or

suicide or murder,

don’t do it.

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don’t do it.

when it is truly time,

and if you have been chosen,

it will do it by

itself and it will keep on doing it

until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

–Charles Bukowski

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