I can kind of envision that as the next Elton John rewrite. Tired of Candle in the Wind six ways? Try a little “An iPod Shuffle Saved My Life Tonight…”

Anywho, as for my story, allow me to explain:

I am a light sleeper.
So if you are so inclined to:

• Snore
• Moan
• Whimper
• Talk
• Breathe Heavily

or

• Thrash

while asleep (or whatever bizarre sleep apnea fit you consider “asleep”), I will – in turn – lie there awake, silently fuming at you, and perhaps cursing the day you were born.

This was hard to deal with in the hostels of Europe, but I eventually was so broke down and exhausted, I adjusted. However, it’s been almost a year since I last crashed in a hostel, and I’ve firmly reestablished my light sleeper ways since then.

Thus, last night, while sitting on my friend’s couch sometime around midnight, it struck me as odd that her upstairs neighbors would be redecorating at that hour. I mean, who moves furniture in the middle of the night? And for such an extended period?

And that’s when it hit me: This was no remodeling project, this was my friend. In her bedroom. Snoring. Like a lumberjack. On steroids. After a bender.

Seriously, it was bad. So bad. So, so bad. 

And I could feel the low grade panic spreading through me, as I contemplated not just that night, but the subsequent week plus of sleepless nights listening to that racket.

And then I remembered.
The iPod touch.
And the “WhiteNoise” app I downloaded the day before just in case something like this cropped up.

Rifling through my bag, I found it and fired it up. Sifting through my options, I was distressed there wasn’t a good “angry ocean” option. What there was (“beach waves crashing”) sounded like someone splashing around in a bathtub. Weak.

Otherwise, my options were:
Grandfather clock – too Telltale Heart meets timebomb.
Chimes chiming – racket in its own right.
Train ride – Truth be told, I have never had either a comfortable or restful night on a train, so its not really a metaphor that works for me.
Airplane travel – Ditto
White noise – “They’re he-eeere!” 
Crickets Chirping – Too reminiscent of a good idea gone bad: Sleeping under the stars turned waking up soaked to the bone.
Thunderstorm – Where does someone live that this is what it takes to fall asleep at night???

And that is why I went with Extreme Rain Pouring, cranked up to top volume, set on a three hour timer, and placed two inches from my head.

And the second the timer made the rains dry up, my brain registered the guttural sounds coming from the next room and woke me back up.

But the faux downpour at least bought me a few hours, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Now to get through the next eight nights…