I just finished skimming through Entrepreneur Magazine’s December 2008 issue. This brief interlude has served to reinforce my belief that I was not born to be an entrepreneur. I have no idea what I would sell. I have no idea what I would do. I feel kind of sick when I think about borrowing money and trying to rise from the ashes like a phoenix. I feel even sicker when I think about having to write a business plan.

That stated, I thought I might be able to help you out by pointing out some sure-fire roads to poverty and failure and saving you the trouble. If you’re looking for good ideas, you can pick up Entrepreneur and brainstorm in the categories of “Organic,” “Green,” “Fitness,” “Online,” “Energy,” “Web Apps,” and “Anti-Aging” (all admittedly good ideas, only I would have the first clue where to start. Minus my own inside joke with myself about opening a free-range farm for producing dog cheese and other dog milk products. German Shepherd Cheddar? Don’t mind if I do!)

On the other hand, if you want to test-drive a novel concept and are thinking it may be a bad idea, allow me to present some thoughts that I think are certain to fail:

1. Ab belts that electrocute your midsection into a six pack

2. New Coke

3. Anything involving smearing a clay head with seeds that will grow into ‘hair.’

4. A KFC franchise (an era brimming with buzzwords like “fitness”, “organic,” “green,” and “anti-aging” has got to be bad for the Colonel)

5. Big, expensive gas-guzzling cars

6. Liberty coins, The Barack Obama Inaugural Presidential Coin, 9/11 commemorative coins, Limited Brett Favre US Mint Gold Coins…

7.  A travel agency of your very own

8. Candy cigarettes

9. Polar bear pelts

10. Tom Cruise’s agent (just because I, personally, find him repugnant and am casting all kinds of spells in the hopes he goes away for good.)