Posts Tagged ‘I have never seen so much crap in one place in my entire life’

One Man’s Trash

Monday, November 1st, 2010

Back off the wagon again, kids. Sorry about that. I’m afraid the extreme downside of living a highly boring life is that I have almost nothing to tell you…so I don’t. I’m not sure what the upside is, but when I figure that out, you’ll be the first to know.

At any rate, I’m kind of interested in finding an old Silvertone, Kay, or Hagstrom electric guitar – the budget guitars from the 60s – on the cheap. There are a relative abundance of them out there, it’s just that I’ve never seen them cheap. Thus, I figured (hoped) that from my location here in South Central Pennsylvania (somewhere between Gettsyburg and Harrisburg, specifically), that this might be doable. I’ve seen that “American Pickers” show: you have to go rural to get a bargain on a treasure.

The issue, it seems, is that I may have gone too rural.

It’s kind of like that scene in Tropic Thunder when Robert Downey Jr. warns Ben Stiller that he went too far. “Everyone knows you don’t go full retard.”

I clearly went too rural.  I went to a local flea market, and it was full retard. It was like 50 people woke up that morning and said to themselves, “I feel like hosting a really shitty garage sale full of utterly worthless crap!” However, instead of confining the sale of their junk to their own neck of the woods, they chose to load up their claptrap refuse, drive it across town, and pay ten dollars to proudly display it alongside like-minded optimists of the same ilk.

But don’t just take my word for it: take a gander for yourself.

Horrible taxidermy kitsch

What craftsmanship! Not all taxidermists are thoughtful enough to include both the feet AND a mirror.

Ceramic beer steins

Every day can be Oktoberfest!

Rock stars you never heard of

Classic album. The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Spanky: it just doesn't get much better than this.

Ridiculous bedspreads

You can actually buy these blankets in any town with a large enough white trash population, but they never cease to bowl me over with their hideousness.

Depression glass makes me depressed

Someone robbed my grandma's tomb!!!

Beautiful woman driving

On my way there: hopes soon to be dashed.

Old cell phones for sale

I was too young and too poor to afford a cell phone when they first came out, but it's good to know that I can still get my hands on one - or seventeen - of those babies.

Taxidermied ferret

Without a doubt, the highlight of the flea market. To quote my friend Rob, "Is that a weasel in an aquarium, or are you just happy to see me?"

William's Grove Amusement Park roller coaster

The flea market is held on the grounds of an old, now defunct and otherwise abandoned amusement park. When I was a little girl, the Catholic school used to take us there one day a year: even then it totally sucked. You know it's bad if a seven-year old kid knows it's bad.

Holographic "art"

This isn't just awesome art: it's HOLOGRAPHIC awesome art.

Chucky doll in box

The problem with this doll is the horrible, mean face it's making. I might have bought it except the evil grimace makes me wonder if it might come to life and try to kill me.

flea market guitars

Martin guitars are made in the area, but do you think that made a damn bit of difference? In accordance with their surroundings, the two available instruments were complete and total crap. But of course.

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