I may very well stand corrected.
Cirque du Soleil is super weak…but bagpipes are worse.

I speak from experience.

This is very authentic-ish. I'm just glad I can't hear it.

As you may recall, when I first arrived in Edinburgh, Scotland in August of 2008, I spotted a man playing bagpipes in a park, and it was quaint, if not downright bewitching.

How quickly reality comes crashing in…

Two days later in Glasgow there was some kind of bagpiper invasion going on, and everywhere you turn…screeching, screaming noise. Because it is just noise. I know why the Loch Ness monster stays underwater and out of sight: To avoid the bagpipe noise.  The first time it’s charming, and every subsequent time it destroys a little bit of your soul.

Or maybe I’m all wrong in my diatribe against bagpipes?

Or maybe I’m not wrong, but looking for a smooth way to transition and not finding one.

How about this?: Maybe by ‘pipers’ they mean flautists? Which is still really sad, but maybe not quite so sad.

But while we’re on the subject, let me paint you a really sad piper piping image: Imagine an awkward and fantasy-prone nine-year old girl who really, really, REALLY wanted to play the cello. In fourth grade they brought in adults to demonstrate their considerable talents and get the kids hooked on the joy of instrument mastery. It was a hard sell. The lady who played the cello played the Star Wars theme and, well, does there really need to be anything else? SHE PLAYED THE STAR WARS THEME ON THE CELLO.

What was I supposed to do? It was Stars Wars. STAR WARS.

So this poor, sad girl ran to her mother with the information and begged for permission to play the cello…but was told it was too damn expensive to rent and forget about it.

So next year, in fifth grade, they bring the band instruments and they’re all clearly nerdy and vaguely threatening that “if you pick me, some day will either need to abandon me or you will find yourself marching around a football field like a jackass wearing a 18-pound hat.” But she didn’t heed the warnings and reluctantly settled for the flute.

And I know you might find this shocking, but that girl was me.

And yes, the minute I realized they expected me to march around dressed like an escaped member of Sargaent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club band while cool kids sat in the stands or were cheerleaders…well, I dropped that flute like a hot potato. But that’s another story for another day.

In the years before that, I did play (or pipe, as it were) the flute, and I have this semi-tragic memory that is only fitting on Christmas Eve Eve, just minutes from Christmas Eve itself: About ten houses away lived a girl my same age – let’s call her J – and we were super close. J did not play an instrument, but she fancied herself a singer, and I – never being one to shy away from sharing my talents – offered to accompany her.

Actually, he looks less bad than I remembered. These were the days before Mrs. Doubtfire. Clearly we didn't know what bad was.

So the really pathetic memory involves me and J sitting in her room MORE THAN ONCE, while I earnestly played “It Might Be You” (Yes, the theme from “Tootsie”. Cringe as you see fit. And seriously, Dustin Hoffman made a horrible-looking woman. Even I knew that at nine years old.), and J sang the lyrics with some slight modification. We were horribly embarassed by the line “and we’ve so much love to make” so we changed it to “and there’s so many cakes to bake.”

That aside, it must have sounded like two cats dying. I shudder at the mere recollection…

Now imagine that and imagine it times eleven, and you’ll fully grasp the horror of eleven pipers piping. True love, my ass.

Time…

I’ve been passing time watching trains go by

All of my life…

Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly

Wishing there would be

Someone waiting home for me…

Something’s telling me it might be you

It’s telling me it might be you…

All of my life…

Looking back

as lovers go walking past…

All of my life

Wondering how they met and what makes it last

If I found the place

Would I recognize the face?

Something’s telling me it might be you

Yeah, it’s telling me it might be you

So many quiet walks to take

So many dreams to wake

And we’ve so much love to make

I think we’re gonna need some time

Maybe all we need is time…

And it’s telling me it might be you

All of my life…

I’ve been saving love songs and lullabies

And there’s so much more

No one’s ever heard before…

Something’s telling me it might be you

Yeah, it’s telling me it must be you

And I’m feeling it’ll just be you

All of my life…

It’s you…

It’s you…

I’ve been waiting for

all of my life…

Maybe it’s you…

Maybe it’s you…

I’ve been waiting for

all of my life…

Maybe it’s you…

Maybe it’s you…

I’ve been waiting for

all of my life…