Blog posts you will never see
Friday, June 5th, 2009Due to general threats against my person in the form of ‘pay back’ or that someone who will not be mentioned by name will start his own blog entitled “All about my daughter,” I would like to officially promise that the following anecdotes will never appear in this blog:
- The alleged age (carbon dated via ‘best by’ stamps) and expiration date of certain food products and whether said processed/packaged foodstuffs can go bad.
- Ghosts and what they’re wearing or not wearing or should be wearing and why, in closing, there is no such thing as ghosts.
- Whether or not certain unnamed individuals currently the possess the proper products necessary to open a museum of hair products and assorted toiletries of the early 1990s.
- Whether or not it is karma or simply just irony to harass someone about the giant melted chocolate stain they got on their (which are actually your) pants, and then immediately develop a matching blood stain on the pants you’re wearing.
In conclusion, as as previously asserted, I will never mention these incidents in this blog.
In other news, I bothered my father’s car to visit an old high school friend, and – thankfully, because although I grew up here and learned to drive here and once drove all around this town knowing what I was doing, I no longer really remember jack sh*t. It’s total stranger in a strange land stuff. – it has an older GPS system built into it.
I started out into my journey and had gone a solid ten minutes on the same road when it struck me as odd that the GPS hadn’t piped up once. I noticed a button on the screen that said ‘audio,’ and when I pressed it, she prompted me to turn right in another half mile.
Just short of a half mile later, I once again grew concerned about her silence and pressed ‘audio’ again, where she confirmed that I should make a right turn in another 200 feet.
This continued throughout the 30 minute drive, and it struck me that this technology was strikingly human: It was like driving with someone who knows where they’re going and is supposed to be giving you directions, but just sits there silently, thus forcing you to stop at every corner and ask open-ended questions like,
“Should I….?”
“This turn….?”
“Left or right….?”
“Is this a good lane to be in…..?”
“Does this look familiar to you at all….?”
In other words, just helpful enough to keep me from accidentally driving to West Virginia. Barely.
