Move over Narcotics Anonymous, there’s a new obsession in town.
Cops: Man tries to steal laptop to check Facebook
BRADENTON, Fla. – Sheriff’s officers said a 19-year-old man snatched a Starbucks customers laptop after being told he could not use it to check his Facebook account. According to officers, the man then grabbed the customer’s laptop and ran out of the coffee shop, located in an outlet mall.
Two people in the parking lot tackled the man and held him there until a mall security guard arrived.
The victim got his laptop back and the man was charged Saturday with robbery by sudden snatching, a felony.
Clearly this man is suffering from Facebook Addiction.
I understand. I’ve danced too close to the flame.
We’ve all been there: Bleary-eyed at 2am, confirming friend requests from the boy who threw grape juice on you in nursery school, and setting up profiles for your dog. That’s normal.
It’s when you form a group under the precedent that you will do something asinine and inadvisable if so many people join, or cannot make a move without documenting it on your page, that the trouble begins. You’ve seen the symptoms. You might even be friends with an addict. You know them; the people who are senselessly compelled to post their every boring thought or activity, all day long:
John is…hitting the snooze alarm
John is…brushing his teeth
John is…thinking maybe Cheerios for breakfast
John is…eating a Pop Tart
John is…realizing he burned his tongue while eating a Pop Tart
John is…writing an angry letter to the makers of Pop Tarts
John is…switching to Toaster Strudels indefinitely
Or maybe they’re just just valiantly completing their ‘25 random things’ while the kids go unbathed and dinner burns on the stove, under the misguided impression that they’re interesting or anyone actually cares.
But speaking of caring, the grand finale of Top Chef is on tonight, and I’ve got a novel to write that isn’t exactly going to finish itself (unfortunately), so between those obligations and my Facebook duties, I really don’t have any more time to pontificate on this here blog. Talk amongst yourselves…