So if it isn’t the seemingly incessant thunder and lightening, it’s my own brain.
A lot of people have been giving me all kinds of advice lately, and it has started to feel like there are too many voices in my head…and not remotely enough of them are of my own fabrication. The feedback runs the gamut from blunt suggestions that I may have made colossal and irreversible blunders in my life, to someone else’s remorse or lamentations at having made mistakes at my expense, although once again with the inevitable conclusion that (apparently) I am rendered quite damaged or at least not as far along the bell curve as I might have otherwise been.
These are depressing thoughts, and by and large I reject any philosophies that revolve around guilt or regret. At the same time, I had this random memory which brought home the strange realization that I may have instinctively had more figured out in my teen years than I do now.
Actually, let me restate that: I may have unconsciously been onto some things in my teen years that I am only now once again discovering. Now, bear with me, because this is probably going to sound a little strange.
What I’m referring to is the memory that when I was 19-years old and going to college in Santa Cruz, CA, I decided to stop wearing shoes. I had some theory about how it put me in better contact with the earth and that was very important, and I’d be lying if I claimed I actually remembered all of the elements that went into the decision.
I went everywhere barefoot: across campus, down to the college newspaper where I worked (crossing a particularly rocky portion that makes me cringe thinking about walking on it now, but eventually was not painful anymore), to the beach, downtown, on the bus system, riding my mountain bike, and – most notably – in Safeway. Safeway was striking to me not only because they had a ‘no shoes, no shirt, no service’ policy that remarkably no one ever called me on, but because the floors were astoundingly slick and cold. Really, really cold.
I also shopped in some natural markets and co-ops, and they didn’t have floors remotely as icy as the Safeway on Mission. No matter how many times I went in there, I never got over the initial shock of those floors.
Anyway, the weird thing of it is that I saw a psychic in December (the first and only psychic consultation of my life) and she told me that I needed to ‘be barefoot on the earth as much as possible, even in the snow.’ Something about how it empowers me, but it is also very good for the earth and ‘she benefits from it.’ Needless to say, the advice that Tuesday afternoon got a little out there/freaky deaky at times.
What made me remember all this tonight, was that I was recently lamenting to someone very beloved to me that I needed to meditate and get balanced; I had too much floating around in my head and was feeling a little bit overwhelmed. He suggested, quite uncharacteristically, that I walk barefoot on a beach – that the Chinese say it balances your chi or something.
No beach being in my immediate vicinity, he suggested I at least imagine that I was doing so. Good advice, no doubt, I just found it ironic (particurly since this individual is about as far away as you can possibly get from New Age-y) and couldn’t help but wonder if only I’d left the shoes off, I might be sleeping in the White House rather than Mr. Obama? Actually, that sounds more burdensome than fun. Maybe I’d simply be a little closer to the realization of my life’s purpose than I lamentably find myself at the moment?
In all actuality, most likely I would have gotten tetanus or a really gnarly cut from a piece of broken glass or - at a bare minimum - eventually been refused service in Safeway. Nonetheless, I can’t help but be slightly amused at the very random and slightly demented thing I started doing so many years ago, has now come back full circle.
Perhaps I should take a look at my other strange and youthful impulses and see if there’s any other gold to be mined there? An obsession with Joni Mitchell? A vegan diet? A wardrobe comprised more or less entirely of tie-dyed clothing? Or perhaps, and most importantly, an oblivious willingness to look stupid?
Alas, as I mentioned, I’m not one for looking backwards, and I am staunch opponent of regret. That stated, I guess I’d better peel off my 4″ heels sometime in the next few days and get my footsies onto Gaia. Massive insight, wondrous emotional healing, or nasty bout of athlete’s foot?: I’ll let you know how it goes. ;)