It’s kind of like duck, duck, goose…only with news. (and don’t worry, Mom: ‘bad’ is relative. It’s more like sigh, sigh, sigh, yay!)

I share this only to make my point. The defense rests.

Bad news #1: I keep getting these little eruptions (okay, pimples. Let’s just call it what it is: zits, acne, whiteheads, pustules, pimples) right below my mouth on the left side. (Cry to the heavens:  ***I’m TOO OLD for this shit! You can’t saddle me with wrinkles, white hairs, and zits simultaneously!***)  This has been going on for months and months: maybe even a year. Otherwise, I have great skin. I really do. I have the kind of skin that people comment on. I have great skin EXCEPT for the angry red area by my mouth. I put all this teenage zit cream on it and sometimes, accidentally overdo it to the point that the whole situation dries out like the Atamaca Desert. You can’t win for losing:  basically it’s irritated and angry no matter what, and I notice it in almost every picture of myself and it pisses me off.

Bad news #2: Apparently some people develop a sensitivity to flouride and exposure causes ‘acne-like eruptions.’ So probably my Sonicare – seeing as I tend to spray the mirror with bits of toothpaste whenever I use it – is in part to blame, but also, it’s quite likely that…

Bad new #3: I drool in my sleep. So not only am I gross, but I’m saturating my chin in flouride-rich slobber, thus causing these zits anew on a nightly basis.

Vegas, Baby! Vegas!

Good news at last! It sounds like if I switch to non-flouride toothpaste (Toms of Maine, Kiss my Face), then I can drool it up and my skin will remain happy and non-red. My teeth may fall out, but my skin will look good.

So what else?

The weather is wonderful (70s and sunny all day today and tomorrow) and then I head to Vegas Saturday morning for a friend’s 40th birthday celebration. I was hoping for madcap Hangover-like events, but seeing as she’s made 7pm reservations at Maggiano’s Little Italy (isn’t there one of those pretty much everywhere???), well….not so much. I suppose we’ll also try on sensible shoes and maybe attempt to get Barry Manilow’s autograph. Clearly she’s running toward her middle age with open arms…but that’s fine because it’s HER birthday.

The worst vacation of my life was in Jamaica – not at Hedonism II, although I did spend some time in Negril – and I have vowed never to return. So, in other words, I was just kidding.

No, no. I don’t need to eat at L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon or go shopping or dancing or having a girl’s weekend that’s actually all girls (her British husband, although a very nice man, will be there fucking that up), because it’s HER BIRTHDAY. So this is the mantra that will hopefully keep my annoying and slightly disgruntled self in line while we’re watching the Bellagio water show for the tenth time or suffering through anything having to do with Cirque du Soleil: it’s HER BIRTHDAY.

And someday, when I turn 40, we’re all going to Hedonism II and taking ruffies and all my suffering in silence will be worth it…

I may not starve after all! I have a sponsor, and from time to time you will see the links. If you live in the UK and are looking for furniture, here ya go: The Furniture Market.