So the Bermuda rains continue, and I’m trying like crazy not to get sick.

My compadres are recovering from swine flu and descending into a cold (and sneezing on every available surface), respectively, but so far, so good. This is largely in part thanks zinc supplements and sheer will, and no thanks to sound sleep, as that is (as you know) sorely lacking.

On the other hand, one upside of rain: awesome tree frogs

Although things were pretty quiet the first few nights, after the rains hit, the darkness exploded in song. At first I thought it was some kind of wacky bird, but my friend straightened me out that it is actually nocturnal tree frogs.

To quote some site from which I copied this and can no longer recall well enough to attribute: “Tree frogs spend their days quietly resting under moist leaf litter and stones. As night falls, they climb up nearby trees. The males then strike up a tune, hoping to attract mates.”

If frogs aren’t your thing, how about some toad licking?

That’s right. Bermuda has those toads you lick that supposedly get you high.

Another quote from another mystery source, “The giant toad (Bufo marinus) is thought to have been introduced to Bermuda in 1875 by Captain Nathaniel Vesey. He brought around 25 from British Guyana to help control the island’s cockroach population. Toads are now found all over the island.”

Nice work, Captain Vesey. Turns out we invented chemicals to deal with the roach stuff, but A for effort. Well, sort of. It didn’t really work. There are plenty of roaches around 135 years later, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, back to the unattributed quotes:

“The toads are about 5 to 6 inches long and are frequently found squashed flat on the road; hence the nickname ‘road toad’. A high percentage of Bermuda’s toads (25%) have abnormalities; 5 legs etc. It is thought this may be due to pesticides, heavy metals, and other contaminants.”

Scree…….!!!!

Um…..

What?
Please tell me this isn’t related to the allegedly clean limestone purified rain water. I really don’t need an extra limb or second head or anything.

“Toads can pose a health risk to pets. When dogs and other pets play with them they feel threatened and release venom from their skin. This can easily kill.”

In addition to the whole, one-time contact with the toads will kill your dog issue, I did a little research on the whole toad licking thing (I didn’t see any – except for the road toad variety – but it’s good to be prepared), and it was complicated and risky. There was stuff about somehow smoking the toad excretions and possible hardcore side effects and well, as the title says, you can get a much safer and more practical psychedelic effect with $10 and a dealer.

Ironically, just now as I’m writing this, the Family Guy where Meg is hiding a Colombian psychdelic toad for the cool kids in the hopes of fitting in is on. Weird, right?

“Mr. Toad, How many licks of you does it take to get to the center of a Long Island State Prison?”

“Just one.”