and spending far too much time on Craigslist.

I even have this app – Craigslist++ – that alerts me whenever some random, probably horrible used sh*t shows up that I might be interested in. Considering the extent of my needs, a lot of chaff comes through with only the rare kernel of wheat.

Case in point, the following interaction (presuming Party A somehow becomes aware of Party B):

floor rug – $150 (kula)

Date: 2011-11-06, 8:56AM HST
Beautiful clean like new rug, purchased from Lowes less than a year ago for $175, will sell for $150 obo. 8ft by 5ft. ….mahalo

• Location: kula
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Re: floor rug – $150 (Kula)

Date: 2011-11-07, 9:27PM HST

The very same rug you are selling USED for $150 is selling at Lowe’s brand NEW for only $118, in stock!

5’3″ x 7’10″, brown with leaf pattern, EXACT same rug. Seriously — try selling your used one for $50 maybe? 

Here is a link:
http://www.lowes.com/pd_315186-102-9675-80043-5_0__?productId=3146339&Ntt=brown+rug&pl=1

• Location: Kula
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I don’t know why, but this freaking cracks me up.

In the same vein, I typed in “Craigslist Maui” to get these two shining examples, and that led me directly to the employment listings, where I immediatey noticed this awesome once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:

sign holder and shark costume wearer

Need someone to wear a.shark.costume . Dance and.be.excited.outside in the heat. It is hot job and must be animated and happy . This is a.full time job. Come into sharkys in kihei and talk to josh . Fridays saturdays or Sundays .

• Compensation: hourly plus tips.
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

At long last, my dream of being a shark costume wearer – and for cold, hard cash PLUS tips! – may finally come true…

But if overpriced used rugs and terrible, humiliating heat stroke-inducing jobs weren’t enough, a rare gem showed up in the “free” section last night:

4 week old chicken (pukalani)

Date: 2011-11-15, 6:12PM HST

free to someone that is home alot – this chick does not know or hang out with other chickens 280 1517

I was compelled, of course. Who wouldn’t be? A high-maintenance, ‘does not realize it’s a chicken’ chicken: who WOULDN’T want that? It was a rock solid offer, but then this update – posted just two hours later – pushed me over the top. I mean, how could you NOT go and get a freshly showered, house-broken indoor chicken!? Man oh man, I hope Perdue is still available. My menagerie is notably devoid of poultry.

update house chicken (pukalani)

Date: 2011-11-15, 7:18PM HST

I hope that chicken is open to a bath...

I seriously hope this is a joke, but I almost want to call and find out…